Watching someone else get your promotion, a breakup, a friend breakup, a lifestyle change, getting laid off, illness, scars, loss of independence, narcissistic abuse, PTSD, grief, these are only some of the things that can have us feeling like we’re not good enough. Our self confidence and self esteem feels like it’s on the floor. The last date you had was with Lester Holt at 9pm on a Friday night – which is actually a good time if you ask me. Sweatpants that don’t see sweat, hat and no makeup, what’s exercise? You’ll do better tomorrow…
Lean in closer and let me slap some sense into you. Are you here on this earth to just exist? No. What happened to that person you were yesterday or three months ago, or two years ago? You had goals, woman! You accomplished some of them. You had charisma. You could give your two cents in a conversation. You were in the presence of live conversations. Why did you stop? Who or what made you feel like you can’t? Identify it and move forward. We’re not going to go into the psychology of people, if that’s who did it. We know that people who try and make others feel bad, do it because they hate their own lives. You love yourself and your life.
It’s so easy to let one little thing or one little person send us into a tizzy. We close the door, eat crap, and hibernate on the sofa as life passes us by.
That’s not who you are. Not who you’re supposed to be, anyway. Get up.
Talk about what happened to a friend, a neighbor, or a therapist. Someone who is trustworthy. I bet they’ll have a similar experience or know someone who did. You’ll see you’re not alone. Take the first step in arranging a coffee meetup or if you’ve really bounced back, throw that dinner party that’s long overdue. Be social. It’s good medicine.
Feeling better? Good. Now I want you to sit down and make a list of all the goals you’ve ever had. Since you were a little girl. Even the one where you wanted a monkey for a pet. See what you can check off. Are the little girl dreams still favorable? It’s okay if you don’t want to be Donna Summer anymore. We change. Our goals change. But look at what you’ve done already!
These don’t have to just be career goals. They can be cutting off your hair, skydiving, recreating grandma’s lemon pie recipe, buying a vacation home, learning to knit.
Now make a list of your adult goals since 18 and up. How many of those can you check off? If you have any boxes ticked, you’re killin’ it! Look at how far you’ve come. Some people are dreamers. You’re a do-er! You just had a little setback. That’s okay. You’re no longer sitting back filling your mind with another episode of Dream Home Lottery. You have to get yourself out there and buy a ticket if you want David to say, ‘Gimme some love” then help you find your dream home. You deserve the backyard, the great kitchen, and the nice tub, but it’s not gonna come if you don’t take the steps to get it.
Next make a list of your goals from this moment on. You can include little girl and adult goals that still appeal to you, and brand spanking new goals. If one or two scream “do this now!”, highlight those, then write down some steps you can take to get started – and get started. Keep in mind that it might not come in the shape and form you have in mind. If your goal is a writing job, be specific – an animated show, an advice column for the local paper, a guest writer on a local real estate website, submitting to a poetry contest. Practice. Because when you reach that achievable goal, you want to be ready to do your best.
Keep those friends and family at a distance who like to sit in the comfort of their own misery and talk negatively about others. Don’t try to fix them. You’ll be wasting A LOT of your time while you could be slaying. And don’t share your victories with them. If you do, accept that you’ll never get a proud response from them, but a downplay of your achievement. Surround yourself with people like you, who are the do-ers. They are the ones that will applaud your victories. They’ll cheer you on, tell you that you can, and introduce you to anyone they think might be helpful in what you’re reaching toward. If you don’t know anyone like this yet, keep do-ing, and you’ll cross paths.
It’s easy to sit here deflating our butts while saying we’ll do it tomorrow. In reality, tomorrow may never come. Get up. Get out there. You deserve a fulfilling life.
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